the plan, or how to kill the voices before they kill you

I didn't mean to be away so long but the summer's slipping away and I have lots of nothing much still left to do. I've been fighting it because there's a loud and obnoxious voice in my head that thinks I should be doing something important or valuable or productive every minute of the day, even though in actuality I don't; I can't live by my own rules. My internal hall monitor and ubiquitous To Do lists frequently threaten to suffocate me so I just end up checking out with a nap or just staring into space hoping they can't find me there. It's exhausting, all this evasion. So I finally decided to face the threat full on and be a grown up for a change.

To give you an idea, these are just a few of Debra's arbitrary and exhausting rules for daily living:

1. Wasting time is the Unpardonable Sin. Every minute of wasted time must be redeemed by 40 minutes of productive time, the more painful the better, and even then, it still can't be forgiven.
2. Each day's To Do list shall include something miserable that I'd rather eat dirt than do or the entire day = Wasted.
3. As an artist, I should always be working toward some tangible goal (blog fodder, finishing a project, developing painting skills, etc.) or I'm just wasting time.
4. I must finish every book I start no matter how ridiculous or boring or terrible it might be.
5. It is my job to faithfully scour the baseboards, empty the laundry baskets, and bake pies with any and all free time or I'm a sucky wife & mother.
6. I must be continuously engaging my children in playful and loving, intellectual or spiritually stimulating activities throughout the day or their brains will rot and they will grow up to despise me.
7. Every item from my copious To Do lists must be checked off daily.
8. Anything done while sitting down is a complete waste of time and I must add 4 more exhausting things to my To Do list to make up for every 5 minutes wasted in such slothful sitting.
9. Knitting, crochet, sewing and all other crafty making is merely a distraction from my real art and is, therefore, a complete waste of time.
10. All books or other reading materials must be self-edifying or at least something I can blog about later.
11. If I enjoy myself at any time during any mandatory activity, it automatically becomes null and void and I must redo it until it hurts no matter how long it takes and even then I only get 1 point for effort.

Anyone who knows me will quickly see that I do not live according to my own rules, but there they are. Accusing, mocking, tormenting me. Probably making me less productive with their stifling existence. They are my rules and you'd think I'd be able to amend them as I chose, but no. In reality, they own me. Am I alone in this craziness??

So, in an attempt to break the shackles of their domination--or at least rattle them a bit, and loudly!--I am declaring my freedom from them and will now set out the new list of acceptable activities that I will engage in--guilt free--for the rest of the summer. Ahem.

List of acceptable summer activities (baby steps):

1. Knitting and/or crochet that will never be finished and will spend the next 2 years in the UFO (un-finished objects) pile until I eventually get sick of looking at it and frog (unravel) it or throw it out.
2. Slow and repetitive hand sewing with pretty colors and no end in mind.
3. Rewatching endless stupid movies and episodes of The Cosby Show with the kids until my eyes want to pop out of my head.
4. Reading young adult novel series that I buy full price without waiting for them to go on sale or come out in paperback.
5. Journaling and blogging only when I feel like it and only to record something random or silly. (This one may be stretching it a bit.)
6. Taking 2 naps a day and staying up until 1 am doodling or listening to my favorite album endlessly on repeat.

I realize there's probably a happy medium somewhere between enjoyment and productivity, but this is my plan to conquer the summer-joy-stealer and I'm sticking to it. At least for a week. My goal--if I had one, but I don't--would be to land myself smack dab in the middle of Slothville and not budge until the drill seargant in my head gets so sick and frustrated she gives up all hope of changing me and leaves for brighter prospects. Then maybe I will be ready to approach the fall with a more balanced outlook. And actually get some things done. Shut up.

It's going to be a long week.

Oh, and since I may be a rule breaker but I can't bring myself to break the have-to-have-at-least-one-picture-in-every-blog-post rule, here are a few journal pages. But they're totally not in any discernible order--so there!

 

 

  

Comments

[Melanie K.]

You are my long lost sister. Really. ;)
I wish I had the patience to 'doodle' like you do.... I hate to even CALL that doodling, but you know what I mean. I can't seem to 'let go' .. and end up wasting time on the 'net.
What books are you reading? I am always on the look out for ones I haven't heard of before!
Oh, by the way, I am in 21 Secrets, so that is how I 'know' you ... just so you know, lol. Oh, and no. I don't post anything on there.

[Judy Hudgins]

wait a minute....how did you get ahold of MY list!

[Denice (inkstitch)]

Oh my gosh, this is the coolest post EVER. {heart}

[Misty Kirkland]

Hehehehehehe, how did you get in my head? I did however finally meet my goal of going to practice with the Beaumont Spindletop Roller derby girls. I did it, and proud to say I hung in there with those 20 somethings. Learning my falls was scary, but not so bad. I will def be back next week for more punishment. I hurt sooooo bad today. So please, if you could catch a nap for me, or even better take an Epsom salt soak for me, that would be great! I came in last night after practice, all excited to tell Joey all about it, and he stopped me short, and just said, "I'd love to hear all about it, but could you PLEASE go take a shower!" LOL, apparently I offended. I've never been one to be athletic, but I felt like the biggest jock right then, LOL. > Dust my shoulders off, LOL.

[Valerie Kamikubo]

I have had "Cinema Paradiso" from Netflix sitting on my shelf for over a month now. Perhap it's time to watch it :-)